Well this wasn’t in my post schedule, but as I’m back from China visiting the USA for the first time in four years, it’s time! Here are 7 signs of reverse culture shock and how to deal with it, from my experiences!
7 Signs of Reverse Culture Shock and How To Deal With It
What is Reverse Culture Shock?
We all know what culture shock is. Remember wrinkling your nose at weird smells, gaping at strange behaviors, maybe just crying in a ball on your new home’s shower floor while blaring Rihanna? Just me?
Excepting that last one, pretty much everyone (whether tourists or full-time expats) gets culture-shocked when entering a new country.
Essentially, culture shock refers to the physical, mental, and emotional difficulties that come simply from having a massive cultural change in your environment.
But this is REVERSE culture shock. It’s like culture shock’s long lost twin. It may not be talked about much, but when it comes around, it hits just as hard (honestly harder, in my opinion) than culture shock ever did.
When going home to our countries of origin, we expect to pick up right where we left off, to “fit in”. But when reverse culture shock hits, we end up being overwhelmed or disappointed, and even missing our expat country.
Reverse culture shock is especially brutal because of how unexpected it is, and how much of a damper it throws on what we expected to be a happy and fulfilling reunion with our home country.
What are the Signs of Reverse Culture Shock?
Honestly, there are dozens. But as I’m in the throes of reverse culture shock right now, I thought I’d focus on the seven I’ve noticed most, which I’ve also heard of my friends dealing with over the years as they moved home.
So without further ado, here’s each conundrum I’ve encountered, along with some tips to address them!
#1: you feel like an alien, and don’t do things the same way as the people around you Do
The Problem:
I gaped when my brother ate just half of his $30 burger in NYC and told the waitress he didn’t need a box for the other half. WHAT?? But what’s worse was how my brother and the waitress gaped at ME when I freaked out!
In China, food waste is a hot topic, and I’ve become very careful not to waste food. My habits followed me home.
I kept taking off my shoes when stepping indoors, or before stepping onto a rug. I would shiver in air conditioned rooms. Worst of all, my driving habits changed a lot, since drivers in China are very different.
The Solution:
RELAX. You’re different now, and that’s not bad!
Take note of these “alien behaviors” (literally take note, or just mentally make a note) and decide what you think about them. Which ones serve you well? Which ones don’t?
Do I want to become the kind of person that tosses perfectly edible leftovers? Not particularly. Do I like my habit of not wearing “outside” shoes and clothes into the cozy rooms of my home? Absolutely yes!
In time, the habits from your expat country which you will benefit by keeping become evident. And the ones which are possibly holding you back from living well in your home country do too.
Be patient with yourself. And don’t be afraid to explain yourself to those people who give you looks.
Being different isn’t a shameful thing, and your expat country has probably taught you a lot of beautiful habits that you would have never learned in your home country.
#2: You’re Constantly Comparing “home” to your expat country in a negative way
The Problem:
“Conversations here have NO substance. In China, I’m always having deep conversations with friends!”
“The transportation systems here sucks compared to Beijing’s! What are they even using our tax dollars for?”
And on it goes.
Honestly, my first few days in the USA had me in a little bubble of hatred. Everything seemed so sterile in some ways, so cheap in others, so lackluster and so LACKING.
But it’s mostly me.
I won’t lie, there are a LOT of things about my life in China that I like MUCH better than the US equivilant.
But when your mind is overrun–even ruled!–by these negative thoughts…it’s probably the reverse culture shock talking.
The Solution:
Let these thoughts run their course. Let yourself feel how much you miss your new home country. Talk about it with a friend who listens well. Whine about it on phone calls with friends in your expat country.
And then push yourself to move on.
Try to find positives, as well, and be intentional about noting them to yourselves and to others.
“So few people on the train were using their phones! It was so nice to have so many conversations with kind strangers. That rarely happens to me in China!”
“Drivers here are so courteous! Everyone at the intersection was taking turns and waving instead of rushing.”
There are positives. You just need to find them. Amplify them. Say them out loud to make yourself feel them.
#3: You Keep Turning Down Opportunities to Socialize With Friends and Family
The Problem:
I get overwhelmed at restaurants here because I can understand all of the talk around me. Everything is so expensive, so I dread shopping.
A lot of conversations have felt difficult, forced, and sometimes too intense as people want to get very deep and personal about my life abroad.
It’s just easier to stay home.
The Solution:
If you are lucky enough to have friends or family that you trust, let them know. Most loving people will be supportive and try to help you slowly but surely get your “sea legs” back.
Set small goals. Maybe in the beginning, just try to get yourself to say “yes” to one of your “no’s” just once a week.
Set up just one event that you know you’ll look forward to: dinner with an old friend, or a family activity you like. Getting out and about for these events will provide positive experiences that will motivate you in the future.
Maybe even get a buddy! Ask one of your friends just to set aside a few hours on the weekend to go somewhere with you. Let this friend know that you’re just having trouble getting back to it. That’s what friends are for!
#4: You Keep Thinking About, Talking About, and Missing Your Expat Country
The Problem:
You can hardly let anything happen without comparing it to your expat country!
From food and dining etiquette to driving to prices to people to everything in-between, you’re always talking about what you’re used to. Sometimes you can tell the people around you feel like it’s getting old.
The Solution:
Honestly (and this is just my opinion here): so what if you’re always talking about your expat country? Didn’t you talk about your home a lot when you moved abroad?
Your expat country is a part of you now. Its culture and customs and language, for better or for worse, have become engrained in you. And most likely, you’re better for it.
Now if you’re somehow managing to drive the people around you BONKERS with this kind of talk, you may want to just pay more attention to what you’re saying, and especially how you’re saying it.
But in general: you will never fully “fit in” like you used to, because you opened your life and your heart up to a new place. Don’t apologize for it, just make sure that the comparisons don’t consume you.
#5: You’re Unmotivated and Unproductive. Stuff Just Isn’t Getting Done
The Problem:
In your expat country, you had your routine. You had familiar faces and places, a schedule you’d been comfortable with. And now, it’s all topsy-turvy.
Days just seem to get away from you without much going on, and people around you seem to be hustling and bustling, but you just feel lost.
Being super unmotivated can definitely be a sign of reverse culture shock, so how do we deal with it?
The Solution:
Baby steps. Sometimes we just have to go back to basics.
Make a daily checklist, and write down every little item that you need to accomplish. A phone call to someone, emptying the dishwasher, answering emails, etc.
If you need to plan social activities, ask a friend to help you. I can’t emphasize how many times I’ve said “I just need you to make a decision for me PLEASE!” Since coming back to the USA!
Don’t be ashamed of being a bit out-of-whack. It happens to the best of us, especially when undergoing so many changes!
#6: You Want to Stay Home a Lot Because It Feels Safer
The Problem:
Everything outside just seems so foreign. But it’s home!! How does that even happen?
In China, I rarely drive a car, and mostly take public transport. So the thought of being behind the wheel so much terrified me.
Not to mention feeling overwhelmed by the people around me, understanding the language, and getting weird looks from people when one of my expat-country habits showed up front and center.
The Solution:
Start small. Is there a park nearby your home, or a quiet area? Just get outside. Nature is nature, no matter where you live. Start by going to the places where you’ll be sure to feel calmer.
Maybe instead of meeting with a friend downtown at a nice restaurant, you can bring a blanket lunch to a riverside area near your home. You’ll feel calmer, and be able to focus better.
Over time, you’ll get back up to speed. Be patient with yourself, and get creative with solutions that will help you get outside while also gently bringing your mojo back.
#7: You feel Overwhelmed and Anxious Constantly. There’s Too Much Going On
The problem:
I NEVER had any kind of anxiety in my life. But suddenly, just before my first trip home in four years, it all came out of nowhere.
I thought it’d evaporate once I landed and was back with “my people”. But honestly, it kind of spiraled in another direction.
Most of my anxieties had to do with the differences between my home country and my expat country. I tried to plan for readjustments and unknowns in advance so that I wouldn’t be caught off-guard by anything.
All of this planning and overthinking led to me getting REALLY anxious and overwhelmed.
The Solution:
Honestly, I a therapist would be super helpful for adjusting to all of these changes and the anxiety they produce. Especially when these signs of reverse culture shock start to shift into emotional and behavioral issues.
Again, talking with trusted family or friends can be a huge help, as they can come alongside of you and help to support you as you readjust. If you have family or friends, lean into that!
Journaling can be a great outlet to get thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Sometimes, we just need to process things!
Rather than suppress these feelings, address them and work through them. There’s a lot of adjusting, but with the right support, you’ll get through!
Summary
These 7 signs of reverse culture shock and ways to deal with them are from my own experiences this summer. Obviously, everyone is different, and everyone handles these difficulties differently.
Still, I hope that my experiences and advice will be helpful to you, as they’ve seemed to work for me!
So that’s my list of 7 signs of reverse culture shock, and how I deal with it! What are your experiences? Any advice I didn’t think of? Let me know in the comments!
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